The First Date -- Do Not Be Late! -- by Anne Shier

(From the book: Magnetism to Marriage: [A] Guilt-Free Guide to Dating, Relationships, Premarital Decisions, and Honeymoon, by Roy E. Peterson, with the assistance of Anthony and Kristeena Peterson, 2011—Chapter 4—“Let’s Get Together, Yay, Yay, Yay!”—includes some of Ms. Shier’s comments, where applicable)

The first date is a collection mission, but probably for most it is just being with another person for the first time and feeling wanted by someone they like.  The author—Mr. Peterson—does not suggest an ideal age to start dating.  Ages are culturally derived, not an absolute.  In many countries of the world, marriages are arranged often at the age of puberty or around 12 years of age.  In the Bible, by the age of 12, girls are already betrothed (engaged). 

In America, dating starts usually around the time one person or the other gets their driver’s license.  When Mr. Peterson got married, he was 21 and his wife was 17.  They had dated for one year and been engaged for another.  His wife had to get a signed permission form by her mother at the Court House in order to get married.  Mr. Peterson still remembers the application process and her mother waiting to sign the form.  That means she was 15 when they started dating and he was 19.

Not only do the two people dating collect intelligence (information) on each other, the parents also begin their own research (though they don’t call it that) on the person their son or daughter is dating.  What do they already know about this person from sports, social gatherings, friendships with the other family, church groups, or on the street?  What do they need to know?  Panic sets in.  Who is this person who wants to be with their son or daughter?  What are their intentions?  Why did they choose their son or daughter to be with?

As a former intelligence officer, Mr. Peterson supposes he could give a list of items that is meant particularly for parents.  Let’s call them “dating collection requirements”, shall we?

Dating Collection Requirements

1.     Name.  Obviously, this is the first requirement.  Do you already know this person?
2.  Address.  What is the proximity of, and where is their neighbourhood?

3.     Phone Number (and other means of communication, such as email, Facebook.com, MySpace.com, and texting).

4.     Church Affiliation.  Do they go to the same church as you?  Do they go to a compatible church?  Catholics versus Protestants plus Baptists is often a problem.

5.     Friends. Who do you know that also knows him or her?  What is their reputation?  Who they hang out with (to use the modern vernacular) is important.

6.     Age.  Is there a major difference in age?

7.     Race.  Is there a problem with a son or daughter dating a person of a different race?
8.     Education.  What education do they have?  What education do they seek?

9.     Activities.  Do they play sports?  Do they play in the school band?  Do they play any musical instruments?  What are their hobbies?  This last one is particularly useful for planning on giving a Christmas or a birthday gift.

10.  Parents.  Do you know the parents?  Does this person come from a single family home or the foster care system?  This question helps with sensitivities and is not meant to be held against anyone.

1   11.  Employment.  If out of school, are they employed?  For whom do they work?  Is this a temporary job, or a career move?  Are they employed while in school?  What do they do with their money?  Save?  Or buy a car or truck?

1   12. Affiliations.  Political?  Social?  Networking?  Fringe Groups?  Danger Groups?  (And, what is meant by ‘Danger Groups’? you ask.)  Is there a potential for violence or activism that could get them into trouble and your son or daughter along with them?  I classify a coven or witchcraft group as a threat to the son or daughter and to the family as well.  That is but one example.  Investigate the groups.  An innocent sounding name may hide an evil purpose or may harbour a criminal intent.

1   13. Brothers and Sisters.  Do they have brothers or sisters?  What do you need to know about them?

These twelve questions are a good start to the list.  Everyone should continue with their own list.  Most parents simply do not have a plan in mind and just get whatever information falls into their lap.  An active collection agenda is good for everyone.  Don’t interrogate the person on the first date, but do think about filling out your list at least mentally if not in your diary.  Return to the Principles of Dating (mentioned previously) for what the boy / man should be doing on the first date. 

In addition to the ten principles of dating, he could give flowers on the first date.  That starts the mood off right and impresses his date’s parents of his goodness and thoughtfulness.


copyright 2016 - Anne Shier - to be published in book format in the future (hard cover, soft cover, e-book / audio book)