Facebook Becomes No. 2 in this Work-Life Crisis - by Anne Shier

(Inspired by an article from Toronto Metro News – Business section,

May 8-10, 2015)

Byline:  Loss of Partner raises question of how soon to return to work

What happened to Sheryl Sandberg (her real name) could happen to anyone:  the woman who wrote the book on balancing career and family will have to figure out how soon she will be able to return to her high-profile job following the unexpected death of her husband.

In her book Lean In, the Facebook CEO wrote that marriage is “the biggest career decision” a person can make and implored women who want to move up the corporate ladder to settle with someone who wants to do his share in the home.

Now, Sandberg faces the prospect of raising two young children and continuing in a high-flying tech career without David Goldberg (his real name), her husband of eleven years who she often credits with providing the support that was necessary for her to succeed both personally and professionally.

“David was my rock,” Sandberg wrote in a Facebook tribute the Tuesday after the funeral of David Goldberg, who died unexpectedly in a treadmill accident while vacationing in Mexico. 

Sandberg has not made public her plans on returning to Facebook, but the decision she faces highlights a question that the average worker is not prepared to consider until a similar tragedy strikes:  how soon is too soon to return to work after losing a partner, parent, or child?

For those who can, experts recommend taking time off.

Karissa Thacker (her real name), a workplace psychologist who has consulted for companies such as Ford, UPS, and Best Buy, said she thinks Sandberg will “certainly Lean In” and negotiate how much time she needs for herself during this difficult time.  As the No. 2 executive at Facebook (one of the top twenty places to work according to Glassdoor), she is in a position to do so.  But, other workers in less high-profile jobs may also be afforded more time if they are fortunate enough.

Many workers find it difficult to jump back into the demands of their daily workload once they’re back at the office, however.  Experts suggest a slow return to work, even going part-time for a while, if possible.  And, they say that everyone from the employers to the workers themselves should be flexible.

From my own personal life experience, it was extremely difficult for me to get back into a full workload after my mother, Ina Mannisto, was killed instantly in a car crash on Christmas Day 2002, while she was taking me home after our family celebrations.  Though I was not physically hurt, my father, Eric Mannisto, who had also accompanied us, was seriously injured and spent the next two weeks in the hospital.  He would later recover fully.  However, the loss of his wife of 51 years was a loss he’s never fully accepted.  It was a freak accident that caused the car to skid wildly on a snowy, icy, unplowed road and hit a hydro pole at full speed, right on the driver door where my mother was sitting.  No one was ever held at fault for this “freak” accident.  Thankfully, my son was not with us because he had been called out earlier to do some snowplowing for his employer that evening, so he was spared.

Cindy Browne (her real name), my principal at Don Mills C.I. where I worked as a full-time teacher, gave me two weeks off with full pay over and above the normal Christmas break.  She was also considerate enough to attend my mother’s funeral on December 29^th, 2002, and she was very supportive of me when I finally returned to work in the middle of January 2003.  That was one of the most emotionally traumatic events of my entire life.  I really don’t know how I would have managed without her help.  Thank God for employers like her.  I will never forget what she did for me and my family because the loss of my mother like that certainly took its toll of me.

My colleagues and my students were also very supportive in helping me to cope with my loss.  Losing a partner, a parent, or a child is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone.  You don’t realize how much a part of your life they are until they aren’t there anymore.   Because of this loss, I have learned to appreciate my family members like never before and I plan to work on showing my appreciation of their presence in my life every day from now on.

copyright 2016 - Anne Shier - to be published in book format in the future (hard cover, soft cover, e-book / audio book)